Circle of Trust

It’s a message about Fear and Courage. 

I was raised by a single mom until about 10, I never knew my biological dad, and still don’t. My step dad and I never had a great relationship, in fact it got so bad when I was 15 I moved out and lived with my aunt. So I never had a strong male influence in my life. My mom was, and still is, an anxious person. She suffers from panic attacks. I love my mom but she’s always been afraid and I never wanted to live that way. I wanted to be fearless. 

I had to re-parent myself later in my life, 18-22 was an especially rough time for me. My life was controlled by fear and I didn’t even know it. It was coming out as anger and frustration. As bad choices and self destructive behaviors. I was undisciplined. And I was too comfortable being the victim. 

I started reading more and actively trying to get my act together. I came across Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and author that changed my life. He has several books that I’ve read that impacted me greatly. One lesson that I learned from his teachings early on were about getting past this fear. 

His quote is as follows:

What do you do if you’re afraid and, to some degree, anxious?

You lay out what you’re anxious about in detail. Ask yourself, “What it is that I’m afraid of that might happen?”

Then, you deconstruct it into smaller increments – into hypothetically manageable problems – and then you expose yourself, gradually, to the thing that you’re afraid of.

The effect of this is not that you become less afraid. What happens instead? You become braver. And that’s not the same thing.

I was nervous when I first thought about having to Q. But I signed up anyway. I felt anxious all this morning getting ready but I showed up anyway. And no doubt I’ll do it again soon. 

So I would encourage all of you. Next time you feel afraid. Whether it’s trying something new or owning up to a mistake you made. You can let the fear take over and make you feel miserable or you can choose to be brave.