Circle of Trust

I want to start with this quote,”Thoughts are free but actions have consequences.”

I had my family over for dinner this weekend and I have a sister who has always said and done whatever comes to her mind at the moment without thinking about consequences.  She gets mad and then says very hurtful things to everyone around her.  She never apologizes and you may receive a random gift from amazon that she ordered a week or two later but still no apology.  I have seen the affect.  I stopped making excuses to my daughters about their aunts actions.  My nieces and nephews can’t stand her and no one wants to deal with her.  But at the end of the day, she is the only one that has the control of how this plays out.  The only reason any of us deal with her is because she is living with my mom.  When my mom is not with us, I do not foresee any of us subjecting to her mean words and actions.  She is unhappy but will say mean things if any of us try to invite her to social type events or suggest something that could allow her to meet friends.  Her only friend and person that she sees is my mom.

I have used this as learning opportunity for my girls.  They don’t want to see their aunt after she has insulted them repeatedly over the last several years.  I have told them to think before they respond in a situation because if you say something mean to someone that is something that can not be undone.  You can own up and apologize but it has still been said or done.  I tell them to not respond if they are upset and to think about it and cool down.  I really learned to practice this during the divorce.  Not responding to a message when the emotions are still hot has helped not escalate things worse.  Taking the time to cool down before responding allows for a more rational response without anger affecting things.  I’m not saying to ignore someone.  Just say can we talk about this in a little bit or tomorrow or later today or whatever timespan works when we are not upset.

My challenge to you is to focus on not responding with emotion the next time you find yourself in a situation when you are upset with your M, 2.0s, friends or work colleagues.  Taking the time to cool down before responding can help immensely.

Aye?