Circle of Trust

Today is the 6^th anniversary of my first divorce being finalized.  I remember walking out to the car on that cloudy day.  I had mixed feelings.  I was relieved to be done with the lengthy divorce process that took almost a year and a half.  I was naïve and thought that it was finalized and we could move on with our lives.  That is just a piece of paper from the judge.  Truly moving on requires a shift of how you think, feel and react to those thoughts and feelings.  My ex wife has taken us back to court about a half dozen times trying to have the agreement changed and I have spent close to 85,000-90,000 in legal fees.  For the first several years after, I didn’t see a huge transformation of my life.  I do not regret making the decision to divorce and get away from the years of verbal and emotional abuse as well as the infidelity.  The biggest changes in my life came after I finally explored my feelings and rediscovered who I really am because it was so buried down deep after the years of pain and abuse.  I made the mistake of jumping into a serious relationship immediately after the divorce was finalized before I had dealt with my feeling and emotions buried within.  That rebound marriage was a mistake and ended up with being with a similar person and being hurt in the same ways as before.  Through two years of therapy and reflection, I finally began to rediscover who I am and gain the self confidence in myself and stopped allowing myself to be taken advantage of and hurt.  F3 and my friendships that I have formed have been life saving.  Some of the conversations that I’ve had have made the difference in ways that you’ll never truly know.  I remember a simple conversation with Toby shortly after my Dad died and I was at the start of the 2^nd divorce.  It was EC run as a hundred other times but that one meant so much that morning because I came so close to committing suicide the night before.  It showed me that I was not alone. That was a life turning moment for me.  From that hitting bottom moment, I have climbed up and dealt with and let go my resentment towards my first ex wife.  I have worked on gaining the upper hand on my jester of lack of self confidence and am discovering who I am each day.  None of this would have been possible if I made that terrible mistake back in September 2021. That is my reason why for my long winded COTs.  I want to share my journey through my hell so when you are going through your own personal hells at times in your lives that you know that you are never alone.  And if you can relate to some parts of my story then please reach out to me. I’m here to listen and help you get through it.

Aye?