Circle of Trust

For my COT I wanted to start with this quote “To remember who you are, you need to forget what they told you to be.”

I’ve shared my journey with you over the past two years which led me from my dark place of depression, lack of self confidence, anxiety and failed relationships.   The one thing that I want to talk to you about today is how I have had to rediscover myself as part of my healing and personal growth.  For most of my life and especially over the last 20 years, my lack of self confidence and anxiety led me to allowing myself to be controlled and even manipulated at times.  I was so insecure with myself that I would allow myself to be told who I was and what I liked or would do and just take it as gospel.  This can open the door for less than nice people to manipulate you in relationships.   My path of self evaluation and relfection through therapy, good conversations with some of you and my writing and sharing in my COTs has helped me to rediscover who I am.   Figuring out what I like or not like and being secure enough to explain and stand by my opinion and feelings has led me to be able to be myself and have deeper more meaningful relationships with friends and also now with Heather.

I find myself enjoying life again.  I’ve stopped worrying about things I can’t change such as how other people might think.  Here’s one example, my 2^nd ex wife would tell me that you don’t like playing the piano, I can just tell.  I listened to her bullshit and stopped playing regularly for most of 2019-2021.  I have since realized that it was a load of horseshit.  She was an unhappy person and she would say and do things to bring me to her unhappy level.  In my path to rediscovery, I have found that I thoroughly enjoy playing the piano and have now played at two open mic nights.

Last weekend at the bags tournament at Hanger’s house was the most fun and relaxed I’ve been in as long as I can remember at somewhere when I have gone to it with a date/M/girl friend.  I would always be so insecure with myself that I would be worried all the time what I was doing wrong or how they would want me to act and would never be myself and have fun.  My toxic relationships with my two ex wives would have me either dwelling on the fight that we had before we came to a party or worried about not doing something to upset them at the party.  F-that bullshit!  Last Saturday was great, I went to it with Heather and am at a level of self-confidence where I can be myself.  I had a blast hanging out with my F3 friends and was myself around her too.  I wasn’t worried about saying or doing or acting how I thought her or anyone else wants or expects me to be.  I was just me.  I spent decades always trying to be what other people told me I was.  Again, F-that!  If you are always trying to be that person that someone else wants you to be or you think that they want you to be then you are setting yourself up for failed relationships – friends or M.  It leads to disappointment either to the other person if eventually glimpses of you come out and they aren’t really compatible with that person or you never are yourself and in turn never form a deep relationship and are in that sad clown shallow relationship that just doesn’t ever seem right.  I have finally come to this conclusion.  I am not that guy that I thought I had to be for Susan (ex wife 1) or who Shari (ex wife 2) wanted.  I’m not even the old Tom.  I am Foundation!  He’s the real Tom.

My challenge to you today is to be yourself.  You are freakin awesome!  Don’t be who or what others tell you are.  Reflect on this today.  What do you enjoy doing?  If you are having a hard time, its ok.  For years I only did things related taking care of my kids or what my ex wives told me to do.  Think on it and come up with at least one thing that you truly like.  Then, reflect on it and come up with another.  Hell it took me months of reflecting to figure out this and I regularly reflect on this.  The deepest, most fulfilling relationships are when both people can be themselves.

Aye?

F3 is not a religious organization but we will end in a prayer.  You’re welcome to join or take a minute to connect with your sky Q.  Are there an intentions we can acknowledge?

We prayed for Hot Boxx from F3 Naperville who is beginning Chemo and for Second best’s Dad.